Help!!! COME ON SOMEONE , i really need a friend right now…..

On the 5th of September, I wrote a blogpost called ‘In Prison with Paul & Silas’….. It is basically about my struggle of 23 years with depression. That post was Part 1. Eversince I posted it, it has been so difficult for me to go back to those emotions and feelings of all those years and events that took place. Is there anyone out there who can relate? I was told to ‘Write what you know’. A few months back I received a prophecy that God will use me to help other women who are suffering with depression. Now…. I feel stuck. 

Help please? I need inspiration, advice or anything that can help. I also do not want to miss out on an opportunity for God to finally use me for some good, in this lifetime. 

Would appreciate your input? 


Bind -ness

About a month ago I woke up with this word, ‘Bind -ness’. Totally confused, seeing that there is no word like that, I asked God everyday what this word means. I knew that there would be some meaning to this, but to hear clearly from God, took some time. So I took to Google to try and figure this one out. Getting nothing more than ‘to tie something together’, I started to think that this was just me and I might be imagining that God gave me this word.

So one morning whilst praying for someone, I said; ‘ Lord, I bind this  sickness in Jesus Name.’ Then God spoke!!! I had the meaning of this ‘word’. God said to me, go and bind every ness  that is not off me. The words started to pop in my head like popcorn!! 












Selfish-ness  ( James 3:15)







“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Matt. 18:18

I am sure that you will have some -ness words of your own that you could put to the list. These are all things that are not off God. He promised in Matthew 18:18, that if we bind ANYTHING not off Him, that He would bind it in heaven aswell. We need to take Him at His word and bind these things and not just accept it as part of life or just dealing with everyday life. No, He has so much more instore for us. So next time, you experience something like lets say WEARINESS…. do not just settle for it as part of your day. Stand bold in His word and bind that thing, cause He is your JOY and your STRENGTH. 

Just ❤ the way God speaks to us….. 

ChristianLife, Depression, In Christ Alone, Living By Faith, Uncategorized

In Prison like Paul & Silas… – Part 1


In prisoners’ chains with bleeding stripes
Paul and Silas prayed that night
And in their pain began to sing
Their chains were loosed and they were free

I bless Your name, I bless Your name
I give You honor, give You praise
You are the Life, the Truth, the Way
I bless Your name, I bless Your name

Some midnight hour if you should find
You’re in a prison in your mind
Reach out and praise, defy those chains
And they will fall in Jesus’ name

We bless Your name, we bless Your name
We give You honor, give You praise
You are the Life, the Truth, the Way
We bless Your name, we bless Your name

You are the Life, the Truth, the Way
We bless Your name, we bless Your name….  by Selah

This morning, for the first time in a very very long time, I did not feel like getting out of bed. I just turned around and covered my head with the blanket. Crying out to God, if this is IT! I have been doing so good these last 2 years, not giving in to any form of depressive thinking. These last few years I have grown so much closer to God and I do believe that He has a calling on my life. But what is happening today? I have started this draft on my blog a few weeks back, and just could not get myself to finish it. This morning while lying in my bed and just crying before God with all these questions in my mind, I clearly felt Him urging me to start writing. He prompted me that there is someone out there feeling exactly like I do today…. “But Lord, I only have 12 followers and they seem to have their lives figured out. What good will my story do?” I asked. So here goes, to any of you reading this. There might just be someone working this thing out for themselves like me.

I love this song, I Bless Your Name, from Selah. While listening to the words, I immediately felt like that is how I felt, emotionally. I was in prison just like Paul and Silas.. Well, that is how it feels when you suffer from depression. Ask anyone? You might think, not another article on DEPRESSION!! But no one is ever too good or even too holy to have to fight this terrible giant. I would like to tell you just a little bit about my story, if you will allow me? If we can get the message to just one person, that there truly is HOPE and FREEDOM in Christ, then it was all worth it. He saved me out of the clutches from this monster, and He wants to save everyone else who will allow Him.

Acts 16:16-40 – We all know the story of Paul and Silas that was sentenced to prison for driving out a spirit from this girl that kept following them. It would seem from the story that she kind of irritated them after a few days, by following them and shouting after them. The Greek translation for this spirit says “spirit of python”. Now it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what a python does. He suffocates his victim. I know this feeling in a less physical way, but believe me, when he gets a hold on you, you will start to feel his grip on you. In my case, the python (enemy) started to constantly remind me of my weaknesses. You see, once someone speaks death over you and you choose to believe it, it is so easy (especially for a sensitive spirit) to believe it. Maybe I just wasn’t strong or spiritually mature enough to cancel these words immediately, once spoken. Since childhood I always felt different than the rest of my family. I was brought up in a loving, strong Christian home, with pastors and praise and worship leaders, but still there was just something different about me. They called me the “sensitive one”. Which I took in a negative way, all these years. Until one day a pastor looked at me and said; “Why don’t you ask God to use your sensitive character for the good of His Glory and Kingdom?”

So my “annoying girl” (spirit of python), if you will, came in the form of all these lies that was spoken over me. They literally followed me. When I was really young, someone very close to me, one day yelled at me; “You are pathetic, and you will stay like that for the rest of your life.” My mistake…. I believed it! For the next 20 years I carried that bag of lies with me. Like everywhere! It dragged me down into some very dark places. The enemy will seize every opportunity that he gets to remind you of that. You even repeat it out loudly when things are going rough. I remember on a certain day, I baked a cake, which came out a total flop. So clearly I can still see myself starting to cry from frustration and yelling to myself; “Just how pathetic are you!!” Those 5 words I repeated many many times in my life.  Proverbs 15:28 – “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” I began to grow roots of bitterness towards this person, not realizing that I have said these words to myself much more than he did.

Matt. 12:34b-35 – “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

Matt. 15:18 – “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean’.”

Luke 6:45b – “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

Proverbs 18:21 – “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

I began to speak death over myself without knowing it. Not very long after this incident I began to have terrible nightmares. Strange and dark things. A lot of blood and monsters and just dark things, overall. Too difficult to explain it in words. To make matters worse was that in those days it was kind off not an issue that Christians talked about. I thought only “older” people suffer from depression. I was about 19 and had my whole life ahead of me. Trying to keep this away from the people around you, were quite difficult, seeing that I still lived with my parents. My mother is a very strong woman of faith, and also emotionally very strong. She a has raised these strong children, and here I come, the weaker and more “sensitive” one. We have always found it difficult to relate to each other, but now it was even worse. I had to “pull myself together”! That became the answer for everything that I felt for the next few years. Those are also the 3 words I would tell everyone who talks to me about depression, to NOT tell someone who is battling depression. If “PULLING YOURSELF TOGETHER” was the cure for depression, there would not be a single depressed person on this earth. Even worse, those 3 words make the person fighting this, feel even more like no one understands what he/she is going through. And please believe me when I tell you, that is a very lonely place to be……

Part 2 following on Monday, 11 September 2017




How Awesome Are You!!!

Oh, I just quickly had to share this. It is too good not to….

I love to watch Beth Moore’s teachings. Powerful revelation everytime she teaches on a subject. Well, currently I am watching “The most talented people under the sun”. Do yourself a huge favour an go check it out. She lists a few points on how talented God created each one of us and that we all have the ability to do SomeThing.

But check out nr 7!! I just fell in love with these words….. ❤❤

Now I look myself in the mirror every morning, and I declare it over myself. Can you imagine if we all had such confidence in ourselves, our talents, our abilities? We could sure change the world into a much brighter place.


ChristianLife, In Christ Alone, Living By Faith

Gotta Love The Slow Learners….


So, I am a bit of a slow learner…. But God loves ALL His children, even the slow ones. I recently read an article in some random magazine where someone (can truly not even remember the magazine’s name, nor the writer of the article) claimed that the gift of miracle acts are not for the present time, but was more likely Biblical history, and well, it was something that was more or less just meant for Jesus and his disciples to do. Oh boy, does this guy need to read his Bible!! But, at least this got me curious and made me take a really deep look at what the Word says about “MIRACLES”. So for this I have to thank him.

As I read 1 Corinthians 12:7-11, the slow learner in me saw something MIRACULOUS!!

7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b]11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

Now, I know for many of you this is like old news, and you have read this a thousand times and understand this, but for me it was a NEW thing. A Wonderful Thing!! In my mind the gift of healing, was a miracle. When someone gets healed supernaturally, it is a MIRACLE. But for the first time I saw that Healing and Miraculous Powers are two different gifts.  To think that I could have the Gift of Miraculous Acts!!! Strongly I have to disagree with this person who wrote this article, that the gift of miracles are not relevant in our time.

I believe that we are seeing a whole new level of the gift of prophecies arising. The gift of speaking in tongues are just as strong and believers are realizing the wonderful and amazing power that comes from praying in tongues. Why would this gift be put there, in the middle of these verses, laying out the Gifts of the Spirit, and not be relevant. I also strongly believe that we are going to see more and more miracles in the last days. That is why it is so important for believers to share and testify about their miracles. Needless to say, I am as excited as a child on Christmas morning! “I want this gift, Lord?”

That was my first words after my new found revelation. I suppose in my mind we received miracles when we had enough faith. Which we do need, but the bible says that this is a Spiritual Gift. Along with prophecy, speaking in tongues, distinguishing between spirits, interpretation of tongues, etc…..

The word MIRACLE in Dictionary.com means:

1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human    or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.
4. a wonderful or surpassing example of some quality:

    a miracle of modern acoustics.


I love what it says in verse 31 – “But eagerly desire the greater gifts.” How we desire to do God’s will. How we desire to do what is pleasing unto Him. My deepest desire is to live my life in such a way that it will display the Greatness, Mercy and Love of Jesus. My desire is to lay hands on the sick and they be healed, to pray for situations and see how God changes things miraculously. I hold on to what Psalm 37:4 says; “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Lord, I pray that You will grant me the desires of my heart, according to Your will. You know the desires of my heart, Lord, cause You have placed them there. So when you find me ready for this wonderful gift of Your Holy Spirit, let it be so. Let it be an example of Your Greatness and Power and let Your Name be praised forevermore….. Amen



The Greatest Stepfather


This painting had me at first glance. I could not stop looking at it and have tried to find the artist who painted it, but with no success. It just captured my heart!!

It felt like a hundred short stories told in one picture. I looked at the little boy with his curly hair, playing innocently at his fathers feet. If you are a parent, you will know this scene all too well. Yet, as I looked at this little boy, and realized that he would carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, I just cried…. Yes, I am that sensitive!!! :-)He had to learn carpentry, and it was on the same ‘material’ that he worked with as a young boy and man, that He gave His life for us.

Then my focus turned to Joseph, the father. I know, there are many sermons on Joseph, though we…

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ChristianLife, In Christ Alone, Living By Faith

The Greatest Stepfather

This painting had me at first glance. I could not stop looking at it and have tried to find the artist who painted it, but with no success. It just captured my heart!!

It felt like a hundred short stories told in one picture. I looked at the little boy with his curly hair, playing innocently at his fathers feet. If you are a parent, you will know this scene all too well. Yet, as I looked at this little boy, and realized that he would carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, I just cried…. Yes, I am that sensitive!!! 🙂 He had to learn carpentry, and it was on the same ‘material’ that he worked with as a young boy and man, that He gave His life for us.

Then my focus turned to Joseph, the father. I know, there are many sermons on Joseph, though we cannot find when and how Joseph died. But I realized, (and please don’t shoot me for this term?) that Joseph was a modern day stepfather. Now, we all know that you get really good and really bad stepfathers. But I was thinking, what a special man, this Joseph must have been for God to entrust His Son with him. Would you give your child just to anyone? No, certainly not!! I believe that God created Joseph especially for such a task as this. Joseph was a kind and loving man, even before he became a father. God knew that bringing up a child is such a great responsibility, and even more so His only begotten Son. Can you imagine being the one, along with Mary, to see Jesus take His first steps, say His first words…..

I think I would have loved to meet and get to know this man, Joseph. Handpicked by God Himself to raise Jesus. Wow, what a big assignment. One person describes him as follows:

“Joseph stands as a testimony to the value of integrity, obedience, faithfulness, and especially to honoring the entrusted role of ‘fatherhood’.” 

In this day and age, I do believe that some men could learn a lot from Joseph. Some men don’t really know how to bring up a child of his own, nonetheless a child who is not of his own blood. Joseph knew his calling on earth and took it very seriously. Fathers need to step up once again and be leaders. Be the priest of your house and your family. Show a child with love and kindness which way to go. Life is not a competition about who is strongest and the best. Although that is what society wants us to believe. We all know the saying; ‘Time is money’. I believe TIME is more valuable than money. Fathers need to make time to spend in Gods Word and learn from Jesus’s example. Strong men, strong leaders and loving fathers comes from having love and stability from parents who take their role seriously. Now I know there are many many children growing up without a father and I thank God for mothers, who are strong to do this job all alone. But should you know of such a mother, why not do a good thing, and take her child to a park and play ball for half an hour? Teach him how to ride a bike, catch a fish. Teach him to always respect his mother and appreciate what she does as a single mom. Invest some time and love in our children and young people. Proverbs 22:6 says; ‘Train child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.’ Notice the scripture doesn’t just say YOUR child, but A child. That is what Joseph did, without condition.  I do believe that there is much to learn from this Joseph. As a father, a parent, a human being, and a child of God.

Matthew 1:16 – And Jacob begot Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.



Calming My Storm

I am holding on to what feels like the last little end of my rope… No, I am clinging on to what feels like the beginning of the last chapter. There is nothing under my feet to balance on, just a vast depth of despair. That is how we feel when we find ourselves in a storm that came out of nowhere. And then it seems like the storm would just not pass.
You have prayed, rebuked, pleaded, prayed again, begged, taken it into your own hands and then given it back to God again in prayer. It starts to feel like a neverending story. No storm is suppose to last this long? Escpecially if you prayed about it, right??
So Jesus takes me to when He calmed the storm. No surpise there.. I say; “Lord I have read this passage so many times. I know what You did, I know the story.” Nevertheless I read Mark 4:35 -41 where we read this short but incredible thing Jesus did. Then I notice something, I never did before…. There were other boats aswell. The Message translation says it best. “Other boats came along”
It wasn’t just the boat, where Jesus was on that was in the storm that night. OTHER BOATS CAME ALONG. Just like what we experience in our storms of life. It is rarely just the boat you are in, that is in the storm. There are other boats involved in this storm aswell. It could be your child, your husband, family members, friends, your pastor, your business…. An illness can turn into a financial problem, then that turns into a marriage problem and the boats multiply as the storm proceed. It has a ripple effect on your whole circumstances, until it consumes your whole life.
Then Jesus speaks to me and says; “I am still the same Jesus that was in the boat that night. I never got out and said you must see if you can handle the next storm on your own. This story is not fiction, it really happened. I am with you in this storm.”
A sudden calmness about this realization set in my spirit.
Mark 4:39 – He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

When Jesus calmed the storm, not only did the storm end for one boat, but for all the boats that came along…..

And even though I feel like I am being tossed from left to right and back again, I know that the same Jesus that calmed the storm that night, will also calm my storm. He is in this boat with me and He knows about the storm and all the other boats around me being affected. He will calm the storm, just like He did that night.
Deuteronomy 31:8 – “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Hebrews 13:5 – “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

ChristianLife, In Christ Alone, Living By Faith, Uncategorized

All the Little Miracles!

I was pondering on all the recent events and things happening all around the globe these last few years and months, and I realized something. Do you remember about 40 years ago, when someone would die, or be in an accident, or murdered, or diagnosed with a serious illness? The whole community would be in shock. Not just for a day, but for weeks, even months. Terrorist attacks were fewer and had the whole worlds attention. Did we get so use to all these terrible things in life, that we barely notice these news clips anymore. Do not get me wrong. I know we live in a fast pace world and you got to keep up, cause no one is gonna wait for you. But lately it feels like we hear these things on the news or read it somewhere, and we are like; “Oh, that is just terrible!”. Or shed a tear or two for these terrible video clips being spread where old people and children are beaten to death. Then…. we move on to the next page, or video clip, or news broadcast.

The Holy Spirit reminded me of something when He said; ” Never get so use to miracles, that you don’t notice them anymore.” Immediately I knew what He meant. There are miracles all around us, everyday. But, we move with such focus on getting the work done, that we forget to notice them. Did you know that a smile from a stranger, has stopped someone from committing suicide? True story!! How about that delayed flight that you were furious about…? The lady in the grocery store that you really did not want to have to chat to today. Well, she could turn out to be the best thing that happened today.  A friend who connects you with a friend of another friend, and before you know it, you got the job you have been praying for. I am not saying that all delayed flights and traffic jams are miracles. Please, understand me when I say, I know some days you really wish you just stayed in bed.

Miracles comes in all shapes and forms. Don’t let anyone tell you, you did not receive a miracle, when you know in your heart that you did. Miracles are not just a sick person getting out of bed, or anything else that you might consider as BIG. A miracle is still a miracle, no matter if someone calls it big or little. What might be a miracle for you, might not be considered one for your neighbor, and that is okay. You just remember to pay attention to everything around you. Realize that you could be the stranger in the coffee shops miracle, with just a kind word. Take note of your miracle, and be thankful.

It is still called a MIRACLE!!!

John 10:32 – “I have shown you many great miracles from the Father.”

Hebrews 2:4 – God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.




18 April 2017

As I was laying in bed and just speaking to God in my heart, I started to pray for countries all over the world. I prayed for leaders and people in high positions everywhere, that God would protect them and give them wisdom in this critical time that we are all facing at the moment.

There are people all over this earth, searching for a deeper spiritual meaning, which can only be found through Jesus Christ. So I just asked Him to send His angels to whomever is calling out for Him. I then had a vision of earth, as if I were in space, looking down on earth. Whilst praying to God for these angel encounters, I asked Him to show me where they would move and just infultrate earth. While waiting and really expecting a vision from God, the Holy Spirit lead me to pray for countries where Christianity are not allowed. Countries where people are not allowed to say the name of Jesus out loud. I was filled with such deep compassion for these countries and people, being controlled by the enemy. Praying that the Holy Spirit would move into and through these countries and touch hearts like only He can. Especially the leaders!! Some specific countries came to me, like the DRC, Sudan, Iraq, Iran, Palestine, China, Russia….

God then said to me; “People will quote scripture without laying hands on a Bible, or even knowing what the Bible is.” He showed me remote villages in the the deepest parts of Africa, where people live in the jungle. I saw parts in the East where small groups of people live in caves. Small tribes living in desert areas… Again He spoke and said; “I will send my angels to walk and live among these people. Places where no missionaries have been able to get to. My Holy Spirit wil consume them and My Glory will be on them (Zech. 2:5 – I myself will be a wall of fire around it; declares the Lord; and I will be its GLORY within). These people wil experience Me in a mighty way. When My Glory comes to these remote places, evil spirits and witchcraft will flee and literally run from them into the wilderness. My people will then be healed and their bodies made new. The little children will worship Me, pray in tongues and prophesy. They will live and not die.”

As I was asking God, how this is even possible, clearly knowing that with Him all things are possible, I was lead to Zechariah 4:6 – Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.

This whole vision played out like a movie trailor. He showed me what it looked like when these evil spirits flee. When they were gone, the most beautiful scene unfolded when these little children started to worship Jesus.

 Jeremiah 31:33 – 34 – “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 34. No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, “Know the Lord”, because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the Lord. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”